New Born CAPTIONED!

  

"Ow. You're hurting me. CHILD ABUSE!!!"

"Uhg. Your breath smells like expired Spaghettios."

"Lady, I didn't need a closeup of your boogers!"

"Wanna see my Popeye impression?"

"If I had teeth, I'd bite your nose off!"

"I said I was thirsty for milk - NOT affection!"

"Unhand me you degenerate bimbo!"

How the lead actor form Kick Ass met his future wife.

"Halp! Blondie thinks I taste like veal!"

Celebrity Look-a-Likes

Peewee Herman and TV Host, Jimmy Fallon, could be brothers from a different mother.




I defy you to tell the difference if you close your eyes and listen to the voices of TV cook, Rachael Ray, and Charlie Brown.




Alanis Morissette and Soleil "Punky Brewster" Moon Frye could be sisters!




Paul Stanley from KISS and Cher could be sisters!




If there's ever a remake of Snow White, Demi Moore should be cast as the queen.




And Betty White could play the wicked witch.




For some reason, Khloe Kardashian has always reminded me of a pug.




Hulk Hogan's daughter, Brooke, has a chin that reminds me of Peter Griffin in drag.




Michael Jordan + Meth = Flavor Flav




Elizabeth Banks + Aquariums worth of Alcohol = Chelsea Handler




Snooki + 20 years = Podling from The Dark Crystal




Whenever TV host, Bill Maher, looks at Playboy founder, Hugh Hefner, he thinks to himself, "Papa?"

Misbehaving Kitty Captioned!

Domestic cat abuse.

Mittens realizes too late that he won't enjoy the ending of this shadow puppet show.

"Kitty no like this interpretive dance!"

"I didn't pee in your cereal! It was the damn Pug!!"

"I beg of you! No more 'Sugar Smacks'!"

"Not the face!"



"OH NOES!!"

And then Mittens had 8 lives.

Cat refuses to stop singing Pat Benatar's, "Hit Me With Your Best Shot".

Kitty accidentally bumps into Casey Anthony.

Mittens reenacts a scene involving Rhianna and Chris Brown.

Pussy the Prostitute is about to be pimp-slapped.

The Deen Money Making Machine

"Cowl 9-1-1. Ahm suh-ferin ah-nuthah mini stroke."

Paula Deen is a sweet talking Food Network cooking show host who speaks with an inviting Southern drawl and has a penchant for cooking with abundant amounts of butter and sugar. After knowing for 3 years, Paula has come out of the Diabetes closet now that she will be taking promotional money from an insulin needle company. Deen kept it a secret so that she could keep on making enough bread in order to lavishly spend her misbegotten dough.

What Paula Deen has done by not being forthcoming about her Type 2 Diabetes situation is equivalent to her fooling around on her husband for more than 3 years. During that time she has unprotected sex with enough people to fill 50 stadiums. Erstwhile, Mrs. Deen has contracted the Aids virus. Just her doctor and herself know of this fact, and so she continues on with her promiscuous ways. Only after Paula is offered to become a well paid spokesperson for Trojan condoms does Deen come publicly clean with her ailment. In the mean time, there is no telling how many lives Mrs. Deen has affected (or, in this scenario, infected) negatively.

Mrs. Deen's popular calorie laden recipes have helped make pharmaceutical companies rich beyond belief, and are now sharing the wealth with Paula as a warmhearted, "Thahnk eeyou!"

Elmo CAPTIONED!

Elmo's favorite football position is quarterback.

"Elmo SO hooooorny!"

Fisher Price's latest toy offering is Sex Offender Elmo.

Elmo likes to stay in touch with his fans.

Your are witnessing a Sesame Street rape.

The crowd is not sure if they should call Big Bird, or 9-1-1.



Elmo giving back to his fans...AIDS.

Referring to his genitals, Elmo asks which of these things is not like the other?

Assistant coach, Elmo, screening eager college applicants.

Elmo helps out a desperate meth addict by giving him a hand...job.

Participants of an out of control "Tickle Me Elmo" contest.

The kids learn numbers when Elmo tells them to count his pelvic thrusts.

Baboon CAPTIONED!

"You're just jelly that my back-to-school clothes are more stylin than yours."

"No, let her go, mom. I'll take you BOTH on!"

"Later on, you guys in the mood for a little mother-daughter 3 way action?"

"Touch my cashmere sweater again and I will end you."

"So what if I reinvested her lunch money on crack cocaine stocks?"

"You want a piece of me, bro? Step up!"




"Pet me again and my lawyers will slap your chubby cheeks with a restraining order!"

"That's right, little girl. Santa Clause is a LIE."

"I dare you to call me a 'chimp' again, ya stunted midget!"

"I have it on good information that the movie Rise of the Apes is a porn."

"I'll give your little girl my banana for that jacket. What?"

Jonah Hill

Jonah Hill getting ready to star in the movie sequel to Philadelphia.

As long as he remains thin, this actor wants to be referred to as Jonah "Ant" Hill.